23 Adult Truths

Some of these are hilarious, others not so much. And while I don't know who to give credit to for coming up with these "truths" I have to believe it was a joint effort as some were clearly written by a woman (#23) and others clearly came from the male mind (#21). In any case, enjoy, and feel free to add you own.

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

So much for the 10,000-Hour Rule

Practice isn't the thing you do once you're good. It's the thing you do that makes you good.” ~Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

Outliers by Malcom Gladwell is a great book. Loved it. Loved the writing style, premise, examples, etc. Just plain loved the book. That being said, there is at least one "skill" where the 10,000 hour rule clearly does not apply - parenting. And I am reminded of that on an almost daily basis. 

For those of you who have read the  book and are a parent, I am sure you can relate - and if you can't - well then you should write a book to let the rest of in on your secret.

Overall I think I do an OK job as a mom. Not the best, certainly, not the worst - most days I say I hold my own, but would NEVER claim to be an expert even though I have been a parent for approximately  99280 hours (give or take a few hours), so almost ten times the hours (not includeing the additional ~72330 additional hours for which I was parenting two kids) that Gladwell claims one needs to become an expert. 

So where did I go wrong?

Is it that the skills for being a good parent change as the kids grow, so that you are are not accumulating the number of hours in one particular practice area of parenting to earn that "expert" status? Or perhaps it because, as in my case, I have only been 'actively' parenting my kids for closer to 31000 hours when you take away time they are at school, asleep, at extracurricular activities, etc. Still, 31000 hours is a lot of time dont'cha think? So why is it that at least on a weekly basis I find myself wondering 'how could I have handled that better' or 'why don't I understand E/J better'? Again, if you have the answer - please share it with the rest of us fledgeling parental units.

I will continue on my quest for excellence in the parenting realm, understanding fully that while Outliers is a great read (as are some of Mr. Gladwell's other books) it just doesn't hold water when it comes to raising kids.

My money is on Karma

As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~Nelson Mandela

Glass half full.
Look on the bright side.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Rainbows need rain first.
Give and ye shall receive.
And my personal favourite ... Karma can run over any dogma.

Clearly there have been a lot of positive thinkers and doers (I could have filled pages and pages with positive, catchy, one liners) throughout the ages, so why is it that it is so easy for most of us to fall into "negative Nelly" mode and then proceed to bring anyone we can down to the depths with us? This truly is a million dollar question - figure out the answer, and I mean the REAL answer; an answer that you can test, prove, teach, repeat, etc.. and you will see the world on someone else's dollar as companies, sports teams, governments, ... pay for you to extol your wisdom and knowledge to their masses. (Not a bad gig if you can get it.)

Until then we all have to master our own internal nay-sayer a little bit at a time. So go ahead and treat yourself, or better yet your team/family/co-workers to some "positive cake". Share the cake, savour the richness and associate its gooey goodness with a positive attitude and then anytime you start (overtly) steppign over to the dark side remember the cake, and how good it was, and how "happy" you were eating it (before you started counting calories and fat grams) and channel that positivity to help you ...

See the glass half full; Look on the bright side; Realise every cloud has a silver lining, and ultimately that unless you adopt a more positive perspective your karma is going to run right over your dogma's a**. :)

So much to do, so little time

Ever have that feeling that no matter what you do, how hard you try, or which direction you move, that you just aren't moving forward? That as soon as you cross something off the To Do list, two more things have magically appeared to take its place. And on really rough days even staying in the same place is a challenge. No - well then you are lucky and can move on to some else like perhaps learning to knit.

For the rest of you, you are not alone. Whether it is juggling the kids' extracurricular schedules to maximize the residual time available, what there is of it, to get homework done, have some down time and plan for the next day, it is not surprising we all feel a little crazed at times. But what I find really interesting is how people manage or deal with the onslaught we call Life. For some it just buries them deeper and deeper into a quagmire that shows no sign of abating. For others, like myself, the more there is to do, the more efficient I get - yep, I am not great with "down time". My mother often marvels (and I assume with positive intent) that she doesn't know how I "do it". Not sure what "it" is, life perhaps, but what other choice do I have. And really, there are tons of people out there who do "it" a hell of a lot better and with more of "it" than I. But it is not a competition (although some, with their almost bragging about their insane schedules, would not necessarily agree).

So to those of you who feel your lot is way worse than anyone else's, don't be afraid to ask for help. And remember, the time you spend complaining/bragging about how much you have to do is time that could have been put towards crossing something of your "it" list. For the rest of us, we will keep trekking along, relishing in the fact that our sons and daughters are not loving what they are learning - be is soccer, hockey, piano, swmming, .... - and it means so much to them that we are there cheering them on.

Remember : Kids don't need 14 activities to be well rounded, what is most important is time with us, their parents and families. And just because you wanted to be a prima ballerina or a superstar hockey player, doesn't mean they do - and if they turn out to be just that - it is they who are the star, not you. :)

Don't know what'cha got til its gone

 Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." ~ D. Carnegie

So G and I are on day three of six of being a DINK couple - that is Double Income No Kids for all you nasty thinking people out there. :) And it is a bit surreal. We have never been at home without E&J for more than one evening, so going about our regular work week routine without having to harass the kids about making their beds, brushing their teeth, do they have shoes/book/towel/sunscreen/... in their bag, etc before rushing out the door in the morning was a bit bizarre this morning. And I imagine going home tonight to find the house exactly as I left it (neat and in order) will be another shock (the mess our kids can make within 5 minutes of walking into the house is truly astonishing sometimes).

Could I get use to this (and some will knock me for saying this) - sure I could. Would I want to - NO WAY!

I has only been 76 hours since we left the kids with their Auntie, and I miss them. G and I have packed a lot into those few hours - been to a great concert, slept in, golfed, eaten out with friends, done a ton of gardening, and all with out a "Mum I need ....", "Mum I can't find ...." - but man, I do miss them, their laughter, their banter and even their squabbling! I expect that by this time Friday I will be VERY anxious to get home and give them both monster hugs.
Until then, we will fill our DINK evenings with tennis, runs, yoga, gardening, dinner out, .... just so we don't miss them too much. :)

Being an "ER Doctor" of life

Trust your own instincts. your mistakes might as well be you own, instead of someone else's. ~ B. Wilder

Confession time - I always wanted to be a doctor. It's a "shoulda, coulda, woulda had I known then what I know now" deal for me. But we all have a few of those. :)  It occurred to me recently that if you are a parent, manager, coach, ... we all could learn a few life lessons from how ER doctors approach their patients.

1. The most serious problem jumps to the front of the line. Working as a lifeguard and first-aid responder I know a fair bit about triage and that after evaluating the situation you address the most serious calamity first. This applies to life as well. Once you have dealt with a few "biggies" - major illness, death, child in jeopardy, you learn quickly not to sweat the small stuff. That is not to say the small stuff shouldn't be addressed, more so that it is okay to let it slide every once in a while.

2. Have a system. Doctors have a process for determining and ruling out ailments that they use over, and over, and over again. Whatever it is you need done, having a checklist/systematic process/program/... to follow will helping getting it done. A system breaks down the big jobs into not-so-big jobs and makes them easier to complete and not so daunting.

3. Don't assume what the outcome will be. ER doctors have a bevy of tools. For any given case they may prescribe drugs, do stitches, offer surgery, or do more tests. Same goes for being a mom, coach, consultant - remembering that there is more than one way to skin a cat (sorry to all you cat lovers) will help in coming up with out of the box solutions instead of doing things the same old way. CHANGE IS GOOD!
4. Be patient in the face of stupidity.  Don't judge; just fix/do. 'Nuf said.

5. A good night's sleep can shine clarity on almost everything. "Wait and see" can sometimes be the right approach. Not every "emergency" needs immediate action. So whether it is 10 minutes, a good night sleep or a couple days to reflect, make sure to take time you need to be able to see the problem/issue/catastrophe with clarity rather than through the shades of emotion that may surround the situation.

 Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. ~P. Starr

So lots of things swirling around my head on my birthday. Things that I would have figured I would have figured out by now! Guess I was wrong.

More and more I am seeing and hearing my peers at a crux in their lives. Whether it be about careers (as in my case), relationships (so not the case for me - never been more sure about anything in my life), who they are (I am doing alright in this category too - I think) or where they are going (anyone who knows me will tell you I have an excellent sense of direction :), we 40-somethings seem to be in a bit of a crisis. Not sure if it a mid-life crisis, or it if it is suddenly hitting us all that we are adults. No way around it, not an arguement in sight to prove otherwise, and perhaps that is what is sending us all into this state of flux.

Speaking to those a generation or two ahead of me, they don't recall their peers going through as much turmoil about everything. Sure, there was the proverbial mid-life crisis where people, ok, men, went out and bought sports cars, motor cycles, etc ... but it was more the exception than the rule. I am not sure that is the case today, and I think women and men are experiencing this "what am I going to do with the rest of my life" syndrome.

Maybe it is because the world is so much smaller (not literally of course) than it use to be. We can connect with virtually anyone, anywhere, at any time via so many different channels. We know what is happening around the world at any given moment, as it is happening. We wait and want for nothing when it comes to information, and most product. Is that making us more 'itchy' for something new and different in our immediate lives on a regular basis. Perhaps my generation is caught with having lived in a world without the world wide web and CNN/TSN and social networking, and not wanting to miss out on anything again is antsy to be a part of more things than we are capable of in case it all slips back to the way things were before Google ruled the world. Is wanting it all - happy home life, satisfaction/engagement at work, active social life, ... a bad thing?

As for me, as Ms. Starr said, I am going to try to reach high, and dream deep this year and see where it gets me.

I'll let you know. : )

Perspective is an amazing thing.

 People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole shaped. ~Author Unknown

It never ceases to amaze me (not to self: pay more attention) how by taking a step back and looking as something/one from a different angle, in a different light, or with a different mindset, just how different that thing or person can appear. And how important it is to do this on a regular basis.

They haven't changed. The environment has not changed. It is our change in perspective that gives us new insights and allows us to see the object/person in broader terms and with more depth.

Sometimes that person we see with more clarity is ourselves.

I recently completed The Gabriel Institute's TGI Role-Based Assessment. This is a test, in the same gendre as the Kolbe, Myers-Briggs, and Strength-Finder, but more focused on the role one plays within a work enviroment. I admit, I usually love taking these kinds of things, but this one I found challenging. Based on role-playing, the test takes you through ten "movie scenes" where you are given the overall scenario and then have to pick from ten character roles and identify which: you think you most resemble, you think you least resemble, your freinds would think you most resemble, and your friends think you least resemble. NEVER having aspired to do any type of acting and as someone who cringes when role-playing is part of training or team building this was not an easy task to complete. But I did finish it.

So I received the results the next day and when I read through the report I have to admit I wasn't overly jazzed about what I saw. Some of the analysis hit the nail on the head, and other pieces I felt were off the mark. (note to self: denial is not just a river in Africa) One really useful thing the report did was give me an outside-in view of how perhaps others saw me. Some good, some, well, lets just say I am going to be more focused on a few areas for the next little while. Because while I may not see myself that way, peception is reality, and if I can give others a different, perhaps more positive perspective to view who I am and what I do, then it will be worth it.

Pragmatism gives way to pagentry today.

A dream is a wish your heart makes." - Cinderella

So no one has ever, EVER, accused me of being overly sentimental or whimsical (and I don't see that as a bad thing). But this morning in the wee hours, I , along with millions of others, was seated in front of the TV, tea in one hand freshly baked scone in the other, watching a modern day fairytale unfold. Not only that, but I found myself projecting all the good vibes I could muster that early in the morning, to the next King and Queen of England for a long and HAPPY life together. .... weird, I know! I WANT them to prove all the nay-sayers wrong. To show the world that fairtales can come true.

Does this mean that I will start crying at movies - I doubt it (although those old Bell ads got me every time). Am I going to trade in my logic and intuition that drive my thinking for a softer, more emotional approach to life - definitely not. But what today has reminded me, and that I will keep tucked away for when my kids start making their way into the world - dating, careers, etc -  is that dreams, no matter how "out there" or based in fairytales they are, can come true ... just ask Wills and Kate.

Would you get more done if yoiu had a dolphin's brain?

 Lost time is never found again." – Benjamin Franklin

Did you know that marine mammals sleep by shutting down half of its brain, along with the opposite eye for extended periods of time, essentially putting half their brain  to sleep while the other half of the brain stays awake at a low level of alertness. This attentive side is used to watch for predators, obstacles and other animals. It also signals when to rise to the surface for a fresh breath of air. Then the do the same but reverse. How cool is that!

Think about it. How many things do you do in a day, week or a month that is completed on "auto-pilot"? Now imagine if you could complete these route tasks while sleeping? How great would that be. No more wasting "awake" time on laundry, or cleaning, or commuting to work. We could do these things and catch a few zzzz's along the way. Sounds good to me.

But is this the wrong way of looking at this sea mammal snoozin'ability?

I ask the question again, how many things do you do in a day, week or a month that is completed on "auto-pilot"?  And by doing all these things, no matter how mundane - although there are several people I know who take their laundry VERY seriously - without awareness and consciousness, what are we missing? By not putting our best effort and attention into the laundry, do we miss the opportunity to query into why the knees in our son's pants are ripped and find out it is not because of playground antics, but because of school yard bullying? Would we miss the signs of stress because we don't notice the sudden piled of shredded paper in our daughter's waste basket? And would miss the chance to really appreciate what our city has to offer by nodding off during our commute?

So while I don't know about you, but getting more sleep is something my body and brain would definitely welcome, I think I would rather focus on being present, even for the little things. You just never know when something amazing is going to happen, like connecting with your son as you sort laundry together, or hearing about your daughter's dreams as you tidy up after dinner. The dolphins can have their cat-naps, because there is no way I am going to risk missing out on moments like those.

Health + Passion = Happiness

 Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. ~ Dostoevsky 

Hugh MacLeod - www.gapingvoid.com



'Nuf said.

Words are powerful - choose them carefully.

 Speak when you are angry– and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” - L. J. Peter, author of the Peter Principle (1919 – 1988)

We have all said things that a nanosecond later we wished we hadn't. But on the flip side, we have all had moments of brilliance where what emotes from our mouths could not have been any more eloquent or appropriate than had we had  Ted Sorensen or William Wordsworth helping us out. It just seems we have more of the former than that latter, and that nobody ever seems to remember the good ones.

My dad sent me a link to a video called The Power of Words that shows how selecting your words more carefully can have a dramatic effect on the end result. While the music in video is a bit melodramatic, and I am not sure how I would feel if someone changed my sign and then wouldn't tell me what it said, I think it gets its point across effectively.  Amnesty International also did a great job on visually protraying the powerful effect of words in their video The Power of Words. 

As a communicator (in my job, being a mom, coach, friend, ...) sometimes the words come easy; sometimes not so much. One thing I work on (when I remember to) is reflectling on what I am about to say before I actually let the words tumble forth from my lips, because I understand the lasting impact - positive and negative - impact words can have on someone without the speaker even knowing.

I'm back ... did you even notice I was gone?

   Your attitude is like a red sock in a load of whites." - Linda Roy

Our "to do" list can be broken down in to various categories:

1. Things we have to do, whether we want to or not.
These are often considered responsibilities, and have an effect on other people if the task is not completed. Things such as groceries; do the kids REALLY need 6 to 8 servings of fruit and veg a day, and do seven Fruit-to-Gos count? And laundry - is it really such a bad thing to turn underwear inside out and wear it a second day?

2. Things we should do, but don't necessarily want to, but do anyways.  
These tend to vary as greatly as individuals do. For some this would be exercise. One of of dearest and closest friends is a case in point for this one. She HATES running and most forms of strenuous exercise. That is not to say she is lazy, far from it. She just doesn't dig getting all sweaty. But she is out there almost every day either cycling, swimming or running in preparation for her next Tri. She is often my motivation at 5 am to haul my butt out of bed for a run - her, and that the bestest running partner in the world is waiting for me, in the dark, and whatever weather happens to be happening at 5:20 am that morning, at our designated corner. Thank goodness for friends like these.

3. Things we want to do, but never seem to find/make the time to actually do them (or at least not on a regular basis).
This is where shades of gray start to creep in. This is where we can talk a big talk and then beg off actually doing it "because we are too busy".  Attitude has a lot to do with what actually gets accomplished in this category. Things like travelling, learning to: speak another language, cook, scuba dive, wrestle alligators, insert dream here, ... Or could be something simpler; getting back into a sport or activity after a hiatus (short or long), reading a book that has been collecting dust since you bought it - 2 years ago. Or even basic things that shouldn't ever not happen, like reading to your kids, staying connected with friends (with things like email, FB and other social media outlets there really isn't an excuse any more), or in my case, keeping up with blog postings.

Whatever the category the "to do" falls into, how it gets done, and the enjoyment you get out of it all boils back down to the attitude you approach it with. I have to admit over the past few months I would not be winning any awards for positivity, but today is a new day, with a new blog post and renewed sense of "life is what you make it". So with smiles and joyous gratitude, thanks for reading and I hope you will visit often.

PS: Thanks Sue for the nudge I needed to get back to posting. :)